Rick Pitino: Dirtbag

So Rick Pitino’s extortion trial started. He had, by all acounts, a very brief sexual encounter with some old Louisville huer up on a table at Porcini’s in Louisville back whenever the fuck it all happened, I can’t be bothered to look up the date. This much we do know though.

But Pitino the victim? Wow…

And before I go any further, Rick Pitino isn’t a sex-addict; he’s a shitbag. He banged(?) a money grubber after he’d been out golfing and drinking all day and it’s come back to bite him in the ass. He got her pregnant, he paid for her abortion and he set her up with some sugar daddy new husband that was already employed within the UofL Athletic Department. I’m not linking any of it because you can all look it up for yourselves. Rick Pitino did all those things. All for 15 fucking seconds on a tabletop. Good lord. Is Karen Sypher a sex addict? Probably not. But even if she is, focusing on her “addiction” missed the damn point about as badly as Aramis Ramirez misses a mid-90’s fastball right down the goddamn middle of the plate. In other words, if you don’t watch the Cubs, Doyel whiffs and looks like an asshole doing it.

What bothers me most in all this disgusting story isn’t Rick. Nope. Its actually his employer, the University of Louisville. Where have they been throughout this whole process? Do they have anything to say during the trial of their most public employee? Does Pitino’s boss Tom Jurich, who only wears borrowed ties, have anything to say? Nah, not really, other than the fact that UofL gave Pitino a goddamn “loyalty bonus” back in the Spring, long after his little table top fling had already occured. LOYALTY BONUS? Why wasn’t he fired?

Pitino hasn’t been fired yet because of the absurdly-named KFC Yum! Center, that’s why. Louisville, like the small minded river town that it actually is, hemmed and fucking hawed about an arena for years, finally breaking ground on the NBA-quality structure in late 2008. The only problem? The main money maker for the main tenant of the building had sex on top of a table with a locally-known whore and later paid for her abortion during the same time that anyone could’ve gone downtown and scrawled their initials in the newly-poured foundation of the $200+ million dollar riverside monument. UH OH!

So what was UofL supposed to do? Fire their coach who has a National Championship and multiple Final Fours on his CV? Would you have done that? Would you have done it even if you were staying in your old dump down on the fairgrounds? I don’t think I would have. But i damn sure wouldn’t have fired the best coach the university has ever had while I was opening a new arena that the university and the city couldn’t afford to begin with.

This dirtbag had a city by the balls at the same time some old gold digger had him by the actual balls. And no one involved was even remotely aware of it all, which is the point: No one involved in college athletics seems to really care about college athletics. They care about money and power and I guess occasionally having sex on top of restaurant tables. They break rules and when the hammer is about to drop, they move to Seattle and avoid any penalty whatsoever. They change their school’s conference affiliation at the drop of a hat all the while talking about tradition and respect.

Pitino’s still out recruiting. And he’s still employed by UofL. And they’re still a member of the Big East, a BCS conference that competes within the NCAA. And he will be for as long as he wants.

Dirtbags.

Uncle Popov LIVE!! (half assed)

OH SHIT!! UPDSR’s gonna live-blag the MLS allstars vs. ManU. Boom!

They’re interviewing Landon Donovan right now and whether or not he’s actually going to leave California full time and bother going to play sawker in Europe. Just do it you giant puss. You showed you belong during your stint at Everton, the People’s Club.

Its been a few weeks since the end of the World Cup but ALEXI LALAS IS STILL A LOATHESOME HUMAN BEING. Ugh…

Coverage started 20 minutes ago and they still haven’t bothered starting. I wonder what Matt Schaub is doing right now?

O/U on the times “Sir” is used in reference to Alex Ferguson, a title he received from a country we revolted from?: 58

And with that, at 7:53 PM CST we are underway!

1 minutes: HAHA. And HAHA. United have scored. Macheda pokes in after an awful pass back by whoever the fuck is defending for MLS.

5 minutes: Its settled down now but it can’t be understated how awful MLS look at the beginning. Something else just happened with the MLS goalkeeper that I couldn’t see because I essentially hunt and peck.

11 minutes: At this point, United will win this 5-0 at least. I actually hope it happens. I get so damn tired of MLS taking credit for beating English/Euro teams while they’re just beginning prep for the upcoming season.

And United score again. 2-0

14 minutes: Giggs called for a foul that he just doesn’t deserve that leads to a free kick from Juan Pablo Angel, ex Villa man, thats saved by Edwin Van der Sar.

20 minnutes: Not a lot going on. Some lobbing of the ball back and forth. I have to say that the turnout for this game seems to be very strong.

I attended this game in 2006 when MLS Allstars played Chelsea in Chicago and the game didn’t fill 20,000 seat Toyota Park. Good for MLS and soccer in the US as a whole.

24 minutes: I’m also pecking out a new rant to be published later in the evening. The topic? Who cares?!?

26 minutes: MLS keeps trying to steal a goal but it just isn’t going to happen, and I’m pretty damn sure I don’t see Nemanja Vidic or Rio Ferdinand out there, which is even more embarrassing. United will score AT LEAST another goal before half. MLS will not.

30 minutes: This game sucks and I may not do UP LIVE!! during the second half. I still hope United win 10-0.

GK shirt for United seems to have Zubaz-inspired sleeves.

33 minutes:: Rob Stone is filling us in on SIR Alex!!

34 minutes: Think I just saw the crowd doing the damn wave. Thats when I sign off. I fucking hate the wave.

39 minutes: Meh.

42 minutes: UP LIVE!! was a mistake for this garbage game. To hell with it. And to hell with the MLS. Darren Fletcher with a scorcher off the bar right there. What is anyone gaining from this game? Its like watching a damn And-1 bball game.

44 minutes: Nothing.

And thats it. I’ll never start another one of these for some garbage ass soccer game in July. We all learned something from tonight, no?

Ranting on Realignment in College Football

Everyone person with a fleeting interest in college football has an opinion in some form or another about realignment and teams leaving conferences.  Of course, your dear Uncle has an opinion.

Strictly speaking, the new realignment sucks.  That Nebraska and Colorado left one BCS conference for another is nothing more than a lateral move.  You can talk all you want about academics, but football fans do not give a shit about academics.  Schools pretend that it matter, but the move of both universities had more to do with athletics and money.

If Nebraska and Colorado cared about academics, they would dump athletics.  But they know better because despite the cost of maintaining big time football programs, they would not sacrifice the exposure that comes from college football.

The realignment is illogical for two reasons.  First, it does not improve the Pac-10’s stock.  For all the criticism the conference receives — it is Southern California and everyone else being the most vocal — at least it is a conference where every team plays one another.  Among the six BCS conferences, only the Pac-10 and Big East can make that claim, and the Big East does it because it has eight teams.

Additionally, the BCS representative from the Pac-10 is typically ranked in the top 10.  In fact, since 1998, the Pac-10 has had two teams finish in the top 10 seven times!  Yes, this happens with other conferences, but compared to a conference like the ACC, the Pac-10 proves it can get good teams into the top 10 without expanding.

As for Colorado moving to the Pac-10, the Buffaloes go from a division that was perhaps one of the weakest in all of college football to one that could potentially include UCLA, Southern California, Utah and an improving Arizona team.  Yes, Colorado recruits well in California (25 kids currently on their roster) and the move helps in that way.  But if they were already landing California players, is it necessary to change conferences just so you could play once or twice a year in the state?

With Nebraska, it is hard to argue against their move other than geography (yes they border Iowa but are far removed from everyone else).  But the puzzling thing is the Big Ten.  Maybe they could not convince Notre Dame to give up its hold on bullshit “tradition,” but it has always made more since to add the Fighting Irish.  They already play three teams from the Big Ten annually — Michigan, Michigan State and Purdue.  Plus, there already exist a rivalry with Penn State.  Silliness!

At the very least the Big Ten should have targeted Pittsburgh.  But no, let’s get Nebraska!  What’s next, the Big East decides to get Marshall?

And Utah, what are you doing?!  The Mountain West ripped itself from the WAC to create a stronger conference.  The conference was on its way to forcing the hand of the elites and allowing it to bring in the MWC.  Utah, TCU, BYU and soon Boise State have all competed with the big boys and shown that they can play.  In fact, the addition of BSU raised the conferences profile.

But then, Utah got all selfish and ran for the money.  The MWC was primed to become a top-tier conference.  Maybe not an elite conference, but certainly better than the Big East and ACC.  And now this?  Let’s run for the bright lights and big dollars of the Pac-10!

The BCS conferences proved that they did not want to help the smaller guys.  Otherwise, the Pac-10 would have targeted Utah and BYU.  And they would have done so from day one of the expansion discussion.

Do not fool yourselves into believing that the Pac-10 wanted Utah all along.  Utah is just what was left after Texas gave the Pac-10 the horns.  Utah is the quick fix; the way to convert the uneven Pac-11 into the more logical Pac-12.  Utah was the piece that was lying around on the floor and just attached because there was nothing else to do with it.

And in the end Utah screwed their Mormon neighbors, the blood-squirting Frogs, and the BCS-busting Broncos for what?  To flounder around in the Pac-12?  I like Utah, but my feeling is that they will struggle in the Pac-12, at least at first.  Like Colorado, they will be in a potentially difficult division and beating the likes of Southern California [even under Kiffin], UCLA, Arizona and occasionally Oregon will not be an easy task.  I’d be surprised if the Utes win the conference in their first ten years of being in the Pac-12; maybe win the division once or twice, but not conference title.

In terms of the Mountain West, all is not lost with the inclusion of Boise State.  But it is one step forward, two steps back.  The loss of Utah will likely keep the MWC from breaking into BCS-status.  Boise State keeps a nationally-recognizable program in the conference, but will the Broncos have the same success that they experienced in the WAC?

Two conferences come off looking better in all of this — the Big Ten and the Big 12.  The Big Ten gets rid of the awkward eleven teams and can now have a conference title game.  While it still means all teams will not play each other, and the potential exist for one division become stronger than the other, at least there will be less controversy over the conference champ.

Previously, it was possible for two Big Ten teams to go undefeated in conference play at the end of the season.  Now, well beginning in 2011, a team would have to win its division and then beat the other division winner.  The only question is how will the conference divisionalize?  North-south is not feasible and while east-west is logical in terms of geography, it is not in terms of competitive balance (Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State all in the East?).  It is likely they will eschew geographic divisions and go with the ACC model.  It would be nice if they also implement a realignment system in order to maintain balance in the power.

The Big 12 makes out well because no team was left out and in the end they landed a sweet television deal.  The big three — Oklahoma, Texas and Texas A&M — receive the better end of the TV deal, but the other seven will remain viable.  Additionally, it is likely that the downsized Big 12 will follow the Pac-10’s scheduling plan and have all teams play one another.  That is always a good thing.

In the end, however, I for one am unhappy with realignment.  Boise State is perhaps the only team that truly comes off better in the end as I believe Utah will struggle (they will still go bowling, but not win the conference) and Colorado and Nebraska made at best lateral moves.  Overall, realignment helped no mid-tier team and only fattened the wallets of the elites in college football.

There is a place for realignment and I do have a plan in mind.  But it would have to incorporate an actual playoff; something that seems to scare the NCAA and the elites in college football.  A playoff would mean that it is possible that a non-BCS conference school (i.e. the non-elites) could win the title.  The elites (power schools in the BCS conferences) will not allow that to happen and will continue to ensure that by supporting the silly BCS.

I have a plan…but not the time to lay it out.  Maybe in another rant.

Most Clutch Hitters During the First Half of the 2010 MLB Season

Okay, I am bored.  Let’s look at stats!

The All-Star Farce wrapped up last night and I watched all of one inning.  That makes two years in a row that I actually watched any part of baseball’s All-Star Game, although I still have not watched a complete game since 2002.

I am not going to bitch and moan about the game and how players are selected.  It is a beauty contest and name recognition that “excites” the fans during the doldrums of the sports calendar.  But, I would like to look at some of the best players of the first “half” of the MLB season.  In particular, I want to look at clutch players.

Anyone with a computer can go look up who is leading the league in homers or batting average (or who is turning into Richie Sexson).  But it takes someone with free time on their hands to discover who the clutch All-Stars are.  And we have done that here at Uncle Popov.  So…

BEST LATE INNING HITTERS (minimum 25 at bats)

1. Nick Markakis (0.556 OBP; 3 RBIs; 12 BB; 10 Ks)
2. Ichiro Suzuki (0.537 OBP; 0.457 Batting Average; 3 RBIs; 6 BB; 5 Ks)
3. Josh Hamilton (0.500 OBP; 3 HRs; 9 RBIs; 6 BB; 6 Ks)
4. Albert Pujols (0.500 OBP; 2 HRs; 4 RBIs; 10 BB; 7 Ks)
5. Michael Young (0.489 OBP; 9 runs scored; 9 BB; 8 Ks)

This scenario is derived from games that are close in the late innings.  The players listed above are ranked based on on-base percentage due to the significance of drawing walks late in games, especially against tough relievers.  All are familiar names, although Nick Markakis topping the list is a surprise (0.394 batting average places him seventh).  Considered how some people criticized Ichiro for not being clutch (see comments section of link), the fact that he is second here (and first in batting average) should put that criticism to rest (it won’t, but it should).

Josh Hamilton is probably the most clutch hitter so far in 2010.  He is fourth in batting average, tied for second in home runs (Matt Holliday, Matt Kemp, Paul Konerko, and Ryan Doumit lead with four home runs each) and RBIs, and is tied with Jose Lopez for first in hits (16).

BEST WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION (minimum 50 at bats)

1. Albert Pujols (0.530 OBP; 6 HRs; 42 RBIs; 39 runs scores; 33 BBs; 7 Ks)
2. Adrian Gonzalez (0.527 OBP; 3 HRs; 34 RBIs; 33 runs scored; 23 BBs; 10 Ks)
3. Ryan Ludwick (0.500 OBP; 5 HRs; 34 RBIs; 0.446 batting average; 8 BBs; 12 Ks)
4. Chipper Jones (0.500 OBP; 2 HRs; 28 RBIs; 26 BBs; 14 Ks)
5. Elvis Andrus (0.494 OBP; 24 RBIs; 47 runs scored; 16 BBs; 11 Ks)

Given the role of hitters batting third, fourth, fifth and sixth to drive in runs, it is not surprising to see Pujols and Gonzalez on this list; they usually have the table set for them.  However, Andrus is in at five and he is primarily the Rangers’ leadoff hitter.  Additionally, players like Carlos Quentin (0.474 OBP with RISP) are in the top 10 despite batting 0.244 on the season!  [Apparently Quentin needs runners on base as he is batting just 0.189 with the bases empty].  Quentin, along with the Reds’ Jonny Gomes, lead the league with eight home runs with RISP.

In terms of the top 5, Pujols is indeed a machine, making his second appearance in these listings.  He is dangerous enough to lead all batters with runners in scoring position in walks.  Seven strikeouts in 79 at bats is also impressive.

BEST HITTERS AFTER FALLING BEHIND IN COUNT (minimum 70 at bats)

1. Adrian Beltre (0.325 batting average; 2 HRs; 14 RBIs; 32 Ks)
2. Placido Polanco (0.323 batting average; 1 HR; 7 RBIs; 15 Ks)
3. Dustin Pedroia (0.321 batting average; 4 HRs; 17 RBIs; 13 Ks)
4. James Loney (0.314 batting average; 2 HRs; 11 RBIs; 30 Ks)
5. Marlon Byrd (0.311 batting average; 3 HRs; 14 RBIs; 31 Ks)

This was a tough stat to grab.  MLB’s website was the source and while I would have liked to look at on-base percentage rather than batting average, for some reason the stats did not include walks.  It did give OBP but because I could not determine walks I chose to use batting average instead.  For the record, Juan Pierre (0.336) has the best OBP after falling behind, followed by Byrd (0.329), Beltre (0.328), Pedroia (0.327), and Polanco (0.323).

It is tough to say what really makes a player a good hitter after falling behind in the count.  Other than Polanco, there is nothing in these players’ career stats that suggest they are consistently good hitters after falling behind.  Jose Guillen has eight home runs, but he also has 40 strikeouts.

Of the list, I would say Pedroia has been the best after falling behind.  That he has struck out only 13 times in 106 at bats is a testament to his ability (David Eckstein has the fewest strikeouts with nine in 122 at bats).  If I had to choose someone not on this list it would be Vladimir Guerrero, who has a 0.300 batting average, five home runs, 24 RBIs, and 19 strikeouts in 110 at bats.

BEST HITTER WITH TWO OUTS (minimum 50 at bats)

1. Joey Votto (0.484 OBP; 11 HRs; 26 RBIs; 0.396 batting average; 17 BBs; 24 Ks)
2. Albert Pujols (0.481 OBP; 11 HRs; 29 RBIs; 36 BBs; 14 Ks)
3. Geovany Soto (0.479 OBP; 2 HRs; 9 RBIs; 20 BBs; 6 Ks)
4. Ian Kinsler (0.471 OBP; 3 HRs; 14 RBIs; 17 BBs; 12 Ks)
5. Billy Butler (0.462 OBP; 4 HRs; 17 RBIs; 21 BBs; 20 Ks)

Another interesting collection of players.  Soto makes it in just barely above the at-bat minimum and he is rebounding from an abysmal 2009 season.  But overall he is still behind his 2008 numbers.  Most of the country has probably not heard much about Billy Butler, but he is quietly putting together a nice season in Kansas City.  The other three are all-stars.

Albert Pujols joins the list again, but it is Joey Votto that takes this category.  Votto leads not only the OBP category, but he leads all hitters in average and is tied with Pujols in HRs.  Pujols does have Votto beat in walks drawn and he has fewer strikeouts, but it is clutch hitting like this that make MVP calls for Votto not that far fetched, especially given how well the Reds have played this year.

And now, just to round things out, here are the most clutch starting pitchers from the first half of the 2010 season.

BEST PITCHERS AFTER FALLING BEHIND IN THE COUNT (minimum 15 innings pitched)

1. Vincente Padilla (1.3 K/BB Ratio; 13 Ks; 14 hits; 5.06 ERA; 16 IPs)
2. Zack Greinke (0.955 K/BB Ratio; 21 Ks; 37 hits; 2.65 ERA; 37.1 IP)
3. Roy Halladay (0.947 K/BB Ratio; 18 Ks; 46 hits; 4.03 ERA; 29 IP)
4. Jered Weaver (0.857 K/BB Ratio; 24 Ks; 32 hits; 5.10 ERA; 30 IP)
5. Cliff Lee (0.833 K/BB Ratio; 5 Ks; 21 hits; 3.48 ERA; 20.2 IP)

If you look at the ERA of pitchers in this situation, you would get pitchers like Mike Pelfrey (not bad), Josh Johnson (he’s good) and Tom Gorzelanny (who?).  So, I looked at strikeout-to-walk ratio because it shows if the pitcher lost the hitter to a walk or was able to bounce back.

Four of the top five are not surprising — Greinke, Halladay, Weaver, and Lee are all elite pitchers.  But, Padilla?  The Dodgers’ opening day starter knows how to get out of a jam.  But of these five, I will give the nod to the Royals ace.  While Greinke does seem to get himself behind in the count often (37.1 IP means it happens too often), he sports a very solid ERA in those situations and limits the damage.

So, to conclude, overall Albert Pujols is the most clutch hitter of the first half, with a honorable mention to Zack Greinke as the most clutch pitcher of the first half (cannot give it to him outright because I only examine one stat).   By the way, when the two met Pujols was 0-3 with a walk.  I’d give the edge to Greinke.

Welcome to Sports Entertainment!: How LeBron James and ESPN Changed the Game

“It’s all about the Game, and how you play it;

All about control and if you can take it!” –theme music for Triple H (WWE wrestler)

It is not often that we here at Uncle Popov venture beyond sports, but pulling the lines from a wrestler’s entrance theme seemed fitting for this article and the circus that took place on ESPN yesterday evening.

Now, I am not sure which is more embarrassing — that I know the words to a wrestler’s theme song or that the LeBron James drama resembles a storyline from the WWE.  The only thing that was missing is after James decided to “take his talents” to Miami, Zydrunas Ilgauskas jumps from behind a curtain to floor LeBron with a chair shot while someone from the Cleveland Browns’ Dog Pound stands over the fallen James and tells the King to “suck it!”

Is this what sports have come to?  Is this the world we now live in, where gossip and backstories are what drive the sports news cycle?

Look, I will freely admit that I was all into wrestling back in the day.  At no point did I ever believe the outcomes were truly determined by the “fighting” taking place in the ring.  But I did enjoy some wrestling back when there was the WWF and WCW and the real ECW.

But I gave up on wrestling for one main reason.  No, not because I “grew up.”  And it was not because ECW and WCW ceased to exist thereby giving the WWE (by that point) no reason to put forth any effort.  It was because of the damn storylines!

Yeah, I know that wrestlers coming out to work the mic to build heat goes way back to the old school regional brands of wrestling.  I have no problem with that popping up occasionally.  But having a full segment showing some wrestler sitting around in the dressing room talking on a cell phone was awful.  I guess I was the only one who watched wrestling for the actual wrestling.

To me, when wrestling, which prides itself on being “sports entertainment,” became more about the backstage drama and nonsense (“entertainment”) and less about the action in the ring (“sport,” if you want to call it that), then it lost its meaning.  It lost its appeal as “wrestling” and became nothing more than Guiding Light or General Hospital with testosterone, steroids, and tight outfits.

Yeah, it is even on ESPN3. Can you believe that shit?

Now, what does all of this have to do with LeBron James and ESPN’s decision to allow this farce to air?  Well, let us take a trip back to 2005.

In the summer of 2005, I began conducting research on the geography of baseball teams featured on ESPN’s SportsCenter.  What I quickly realized is that not every team received a highlight segment.  For example, over a sixteen game stretch, the Seattle Mariners received highlights only 41.2 percent of the time; second only to the Toronto Blue Jays.  While the Mariners record at the time could explain the low number of highlights, the same cannot be said of the Cleveland Indians, who were at the time 46-39 yet highlighted only 70 percent of the time.

What was causing this phenomenon of teams not receiving highlights at all?  It is not because ESPN is showing 30 minutes of Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees highlights, although both teams along with the Texas Rangers and Atlanta Braves were the only teams to have every game highlighted.

One name should sum up the reason.  Michelle Wie!  Why?  During the John Deere Classic in 2006, golfer Michelle Wie entered the men’s tournament and receive a lead story feature on both Thursday and Friday of the tournament.  Once Wie missed the cut, coverage of the golf tournament disappeared.

Point is that SportsCenter’s coverage, and by extension ESPN’s coverage, of sports had moved beyond the action of the field and more towards storylines.  It became more about building characters and their background rather than telling us that the Royals lost again.  Hell, you could not even find that the Royals lost…unless they played the Yankees.

SportsCenter became the equivalent of Entertainment Tonight or Access Hollywood.  And this began to trickle down through the veins of ESPN.  Now we have reporters harassing coaches and players not just going into the locker room for halftime but even between quarters and periods, or even DURING the game!!

Need more proof that ESPN is turning sports into sports entertainment?  Loyal reader ‘crumb’ provided this response:

I feel ESPN’s transition began with the launch of “The Mag” which packaged itself as a hip, cutting edge, sports “trend spotting” magazine built on sports personalities and not on coverage of sporting events (a la Sporting News or S.I.).
1) The much maligned “Who’s Now” segment they ran in 2007
2) The hiring of Scoop Jackson a hip-hop writer (yes he came from Slam, a great basketball mag, but he was still a hip-hop writer there) and his ensuing drama with Jason Whitlock
3) The launching of Cold Pizza (A sports fan’s Today Show)
4) The shift of SportsCenter to a point-counterpoint format, with highlights sprinkled in, where every highlight is followed by a 6 pack of cold hard questions, [Skip] Bayless vs. Stephen A. Smith, or [John] Clayton vs. [Sean] Salisbury.

To this, you could probably add a number of other things including the airing of poker, the broadcast of a radio program on television [Mike & Mike in the Morning], and various ventures into reality television.

Additionally, it now seems as though players dictating the storylines.  They now have a hand in how the story is told and the direction of plots.  I seem to remember Triple H becoming part of the creative team with the WWE and how he dictated the storylines.

Hmm.  Seems familiar indeed.  What ESPN has done is turn sports into “sports entertainment.”  The game on the field is not important anymore; the storylines, the characters, and the background are what matter.  The action of the field or court or ice is just a continuation of the storylines.  Hell, ESPN even showed LeBron James ARRIVING and WALKING, just like they do in wrestling programs.  And Linda Cohn was playing it up just like Jim Ross used to do for the main event of Monday Night Raw.

The importance of the off-the-field storyline is epitomized in LeBron James ego-stroking hour-long “special” on ESPN this evening.  It is nothing more than a “look how important I am” moment to show just how special “the King” is to the NBA; to sports; hell, to ESPN.  Linda Cohn actually asked rhetorically, “When did LeBron James become the center of the universe?”  She was not asking this in disgust, folks; it was asked in excitement!

I am surprised that it is only on ESPN and not being simulcast on all the national networks — ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox — as well as CNN, Fox News, and C-SPAN.  Has today been declared a national holiday?  LeBron James Day?  Why did I go to work on a holiday!?

At the very least, this move for attention is no different than high school kids and national signing day.  I would not have been shocked if LeBron showed up at a table with seven hats set out in front of him.  You know, he tries a couple on, teasing a bit, before tossing each away in disgust.  Finally, he  simply pushes all the hats off the table and pulls out a San Antonio Spurs hat from underneath the table.  Shock the world!!!

It is a disgrace.  I hate it when high school players do this, so I feel no different here.  You are accepting a contract for a job!  It is not that special.  Hold such an hour-long special when you find a cure for HIV!

Well, maybe LeBron James just regrets missing out on the fun of national signing day.  Although I am not sure national signing day for basketball receives the same attention as that for football.  One has to wonder if Brett Favre will also have an hour long special to announce that he is returning to the Vikings.  I am sure it will be nicely choreographed at a farm in Mississippi with a Viking helmet or a pair of overalls from which to choose.

What I fear is that what this “special” represents is the culmination of ESPN’s transformation from a company that reports sports to one that focuses on sports entertainment.  It is not the beginning of the transformation but simply the completion of that transformation.  Athletes are now in control of the storylines and LeBron James and ESPN have indeed changed the game.

So after the “King” made his announcement, he completed his turn from a face to a heel.  I just wish that after he made the announcement, Big Z would have popped up from underneath the table and decked James with a chair.  Or, had the King selected Cleveland, maybe it would have been John Elway and Michael Jordan taking out LBJ.

But of course, that did not happen because that was not the way James scripted it.

This article previously appeared prior to THE DECISION!  It was edited after the announcement in order to incorporates some reactions and the fallout.

Uncle Popov LIVE!!

Yeah, yeah, yeeaahh!

Its time. For what you might ask? For another segment of UP LIVE!! you goddamn idiot! I’m going to intermittently post about King James and his impending decision and as always pretend that anyone, anywhere is actually reading. LET’S DO THIS SHIT.

5:41 PM CST: Diane Sawyer and all her global resources at ABC News are reporting that LeBron will more than likely end up in Miami, one of the main reasons being the state of Florida doesn’t have a state income tax. Breaking news there.

5:43 PM: They mentioned something about the economic impact on each city that are still a player in the LBJ sweepstakes. I honestly didn’t listen bc I just do not care about that kind of shit. ABC “World” News also promises to revisit this story before they sign off tonight. They also had some stooge on the scene of the Boys/Girls Club or whatever it is from which our regal King will be making his announcement. I nearly pissed myself at the mere sight of its brick facade.

5:57 PM: ABC are basically replaying ESPN’s sports science or whatever the hell its called discussing LBJ’s freakish build/athleticism, etc. Yawn…

But don’t forget, Robin Roberts and GMA will have LeBron’s first interview AD tomorrow morning!!

Part of the reason I’m doing this is, as my dear Uncle mentioned in a post earlier, *NO ONE* knows a goddamned thing about any of this. Nothing. And it speaks to what journalism, in particular sports journalism, has become in today’s world. There is no reporting. None. No one does any legwork. And ESPN is the biggest culprit. They gave a mouthpiece to Stephen A. Smith to sling shit at the wall. And he’s still doing it. More often then not, something will stick. Now they trot out Chris Broussard, who I’m still not convinced has a basic grasp on the English language, to um… and ahh…. for a few hours and remind us, ad fucking nauseum, that its all a “fluid situation.”

These people get on Twitter and tell you what they just read *ON TWITTER*. Its awful and if this farcical “Summer of 2010” has done anything, its proven that mainstream sports journalism in the United States is *DEAD*. D-O-fucking-A. Its not the “reporters/insiders” fault that they still collect a (huge) check. Its their employer’s.

6:19 PM: Local 6 o’clock news has yet to even mention a damn thing about anything LeBron. Its probably due to the fact that Jim Rose is involved.

6:23 PM Rose just let us know that Chris Broussard is reporting that LBJ is going to Miami. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

6:45 PM: I flipped over to ESPN briefly but just couldn’t stay yet. I’m probably going to go make a sandwich soon. I got sucked in to some PBS news story about University of Alabama professors down on the Gulf Coast working against the oil and tar balls washing up.

7:02 PM: ESPN with an unbelievably dramatic intro to [GASP…] THE DECISION.

I just truly didn’t know there were this many NBA fans in this country. And I absolutely LOVE basketball. I grew up in both Kentucky and Indiana. I didn’t have a choice. But I just wasn’t aware that there were this many people who gave a shit about basketball in this country. Football? Of course. Baseball? Maybe. Basketball? No way. I’ve witnessed (!) entirely too many basketball games with awful (paltry?) attendance.

Do we really care about basketball?

7:17 PM: I’ve begun making a sandwich. I won’t eat it over the computer. ESPN, which you all have access to, is running tape of player interviews re: LeBron. Exciting.

I just don’t think LBJ is going to Miami. I just don’t think its going to happen. How’s THAT for reporting? Wade County and all, right?

7:46 PM: ESPN have brought back in TIM LEGLER and he is mentioning *SKILL SETS* and he knows what he’s talking about, right? This is all getting extremely exciting.

7:53 PM: ESPN ARE ON COMMERCIAL!!

7:55 PM: I’ve not cocked my neck over to glance at the TV but I’m pretty sure that I just heard Stu Scott’s voice, which would only serve to bring this farce around full circle.

I just glanced over and Scott is in fact inviolved. As is Jon Barry.

GOOD LORD.

7:59 PM: ESPN have announced their “findings” re: their online poll. Its “real life stuff” as some white guy sitting in ESPN studios just mentioned.

Journalism.

8:03 PM: HERE WE GO! Chris Broussard is an embarrassment to humanity.

8:12 PM meh… ESPN have shown us LBJ in various team’s #6 jerseys. Good lord I really get the feeling that the media doesn’t realize that the rest of us have internet access.

8:23 PM: OH SHIT! LeBron is on TV *RIGHT NOW*

8:27 PM: King keeps talking.

8:28 PM: Did he just choose Miami? I honestly don’t know. Christ this is stupid.

He just chose Miami. Good for him. Good luck with all of it. When does football start?

The Truth behind the Destination for LeBron James

According to Yahoo! Sports’ Adrian Wojnarowski, an unnamed NBA executive has stated that his “gut” leads him to believe that LeBron James will remain in Cleveland.

His gut?  Really?  C’mon now.  That is not scientific or insightful.  My gut is good at telling time, at least according to Denny’s, but that does not mean that it can predict the future.

But we’ve got this LeBron thing all figured out here at UP.  And it is all about finding the subtle clues.

Okay, we know that it is down to the Heat, Bulls, Nets, Knicks and Cavaliers.  Notice that we eliminated all other teams including the Jazz (LBJ can’t play where they don’t allow music), Sacramento (who wants to play there) and the Clippers.  Yeah, that’s right.  The Clippers.  Even though they courted James, check out this completely undoctored picture that we found of LeBron in a “private” moment…

Hey, it is on the Internets, so it must be true!

SWEET JESUS!!!  Okay, so the Clippers are out!

What about the Miami Heat?  The potential to play with Dwyane Wade, and maybe Chris Bosh.  No state income tax.  Awesome weather.  Well, we noticed LeBron getting down to some tunes.  At first we thought it might be Kid ‘n Play, but upon further inspection we found out it was DMX and the “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem.”  Well, that song was released the same year as Will Smith’s “Miami.”

Now, who in their right mind would choose a DMX song used in a car rental commercial over Will Smith’s dynamite song?  Well, someone not planning on hitting South Beach any time soon.  This is a clear indication that he is not going to Miami.

Additionally, the fact that he was listening to DMX seems to go against his friendship with Jay-Z.  Must mean he is not going to the Nets either, yeah?  Well, not necessarily.  When our intern who spotted LeBron jamming to DMX asked James what kind of underwear the King rocks (hey, you gotta find clues in the most minute detail), LeBron dismissed with a wave of the hand and a stern “NEXT!”

Well, we thought it was “Next.”  After listening over and over again, we are convinced he said “Nets!”  Either he wears fishnets, or he has New Jersey — or is it Brooklyn — on the mind.  Going to the Nets, yeah?

Well, no!  Maybe the DMX thing was a clue about the Nets after all.  We later spotted LeBron at a party.  Before our intern got curb-stomped out of the VIP lounge, he caught a glimpse of what James was drinking — Grey Goose!  That’s right, the god-awful pseudo-vodka made from grape waste.

What do the French know about vodka!?  Nothing!  But, considering that James chose Grey Goose over a real vodka from Russia — or at least Poland — is a slap in the face of Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov.  It is like going to an SEC tailgate and telling a Southerner that you like soccer more than football.  It will get you KILLED in the South.

Drink choice?  Not Russian.  Team choice?  Not the Nets.

So, we are down to the Bulls, Cavs, and Knicks.  Hahahah…okay, we are REALLY down to the Bulls and Cavs.

After our intern was released from the hospital, he caught up to the James gang — ERRRR, I mean entourage — and overheard this conversation:

“You know what was an underrated show?  Perfect Strangers.  It was much more hilarious than that crappy Drew Carey Show!”

Really?  Ah yeah!  I think we all know where the Drew Carey Show was located.  Y’know…”Cleveland Rocks!”  Well, apparently not as the King thinks it sucks!  So he is not going to Cleveland…or staying in Cleveland, I should say.

AND…AND!  Perfect Strangers was an odd choice of TV shows for LeBron James to pull as an underrated show.  Unless…yup!  You have to pay attention to these things.  Perfect Strangers was set in Chicago.  Sweet Home Chicago!!!

Yup, that exec’s gut must be lying because based on all this incredible evidence, LeBron is going to Chicago!!!  That’s it!!!  You heard it here first at Uncle Popov’s Drunken Sports Rant.  Make sure you credit us, ESPN!!!!

…hold on a second………

Our now-toothless intern just informed me that the Perfect Strangers conversation continued and included a dinner discussion…

“Man, I am starving.  Let’s go get some tapas.”

Huh?

A-ha!!!!!  Yes, we have cracked it.

Tapas.  “Perfect Strangers.”  A product not made where it originated (nor better than the original).  “Ruff Ryders” and a song with a line “shut ’em down, open up shop.”  As in…shut down the powers that be [the NBA and David Stern] and open up shop elsewhere?

That’s right!  Go ahead and run it…LeBron James is going to play alongside Ricky Rubio (perfect strangers) in Spain (away from where basketball originated) and open up his global brand in Barcelona!!

LeBron James is going to Regal FC Barcelona of the ACB!

How do you say “Print it!” in Catalan?

See! LeBron looks good in red and blue. Surely he can win a title in Spain!